The Run That Wasn’t

Saturday morning, I slept in for the first time in six months. I had a lazy morning drinking coffee and eating breakfast with my guys. Then J and I got changed, laced up our shoes and took Rudy for a nice walk. It was a beautiful morning–windy and clouds were moving in, but it hadn’t started storming just yet.

My ankle felt strong and I felt so excitement like I haven’t felt in months. We got home from our walk, I said goodbye to my guys and headed out for what I hoped was going to be a 2-3 easy mile run. I was back! I was picturing the glory of posting a running photo on Instagram for the first time in 5 weeks. The joy of coming to the blog and getting to write out “I’M BACK!” I started running and immediately started analyzing how my ankle felt.

With every step I felt jerky. My ankle felt weak, which was not unexpected, my legs felt jello-y, but I was running! And then I started to feel a strain. And each time my right foot went to push off from the ground, I felt another, more intense strain. I ran a few steps wondering if it was something I could run through, and then I came to a stop. I was .10 miles from my house.

I bent over to massage my ankle a little bit, with some kind of false hope that I was going to be able to massage out the pain and go running anyway. I knew that wasn’t going to happen though, so I turned around and walked back home. I walked back in the front door with such intense feelings of disappointment and frustration. I told J it wasn’t ready yet and sat on the floor in defeat for a while.

Eventually, I got up, got dressed and went about the rest of my day.

Monday morning, I got up early, got on the treadmill and walked with the mill at a 6.0 incline for 30 minutes. At the very end, I flattened it back out and ran a 400–and it didn’t feel awful. It didn’t feel great, but it felt better then it did on Saturday. Today after work I have an appointment with my friend that’s a massage therapist. She’s going to work on my ankle and legs. I’m optimistic. After she played with it for 10 minutes two weeks ago, it felt a million times better. I don’t think I’ll be running on Wednesday, but maybe Friday….(insert hopeful face here)

I feel like I’ve been pretty damn optimistic for the last five weeks, so I’m going to go ahead and say it. I’m so frustrated. I’m so tired of not running.

I’m still being smart and not running. And it sucks.

still not running

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8 thoughts on “The Run That Wasn’t

  1. I’m so glad you are being cautious and letting yourself heal.. I can tell how frustrated you are now but if you overdid it and made your injury worse you would be 10x more angry! You’ll be back at it in no time.. you’re so close!

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  2. Hang in there. It’s such a mental game to do what you need to do to get back to where you were. I always say running is so hard, but it’s not the actual mileage you run that’s the hardest. It’s all this other stuff that makes the whole process hard – all the recovery and being smart in training and dealing with failed plans. Stay strong!

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  3. 😦
    I wish I knew the right words to say, but I don’t so I’ll just say this: that sucks. I can only imagine how frustrated you are. You’re being really smart about not pushing it, but it must be so annoying. I hope the massage helps!

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  4. Aw, I’m sorry :(. Like Lizzy, I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I’m sure that one day I’ll be in your shoes and everyone will be frowning sympathetically at me wishing they knew what to say.

    Hang in there. Our struggles makes us better stronger people in the end, although I know it doesn’t feel like that right now. I just read an autobiography of my favorite gymnast, Shannon Miller, and when she was going through cancer treatment she kept remembering the kind words someone told her: “it’s just like gymnastics: when you fall off that beam, you get back up. Fall off, get back up.”

    Keep getting back up on your metaphorical beam, even if that simply means choosing to have a positive attitude when you don’t want to. You will get there!!

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